I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
