Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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