woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
