The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
