we're chasing vodka with high fives
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
