If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
