tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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