What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize