Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize