We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
