I think I won the penis lottery.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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