remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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