you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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