she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
