I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize