So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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