Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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