so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you had me at cake vodka
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
