we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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