I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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