Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
