We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize