The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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