Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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