i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you didnt know i had herpes?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
