Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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