My hand turned me down
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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