if you like me you must not know who I am
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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