its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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