none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize