I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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