you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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