Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
PANTIES FOUND
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
