This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
