dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
