I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
