he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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