i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
