my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
