how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dick has a subreddit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
