Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
