WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize