yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
