if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
