can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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