how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
