I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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