I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
