Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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