this just has baby written all over it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
