i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
