You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
