I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
