Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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