you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
