I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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