my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
