nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
