So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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