I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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