im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
