I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
