i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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