Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
