Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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