I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
