So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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