i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
