I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
