i think i recognize dicks better than faces
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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