Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's the barista slut.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
