Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize