moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
whose parrot is this?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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