Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
