So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
