I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
