He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
