its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
