Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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