And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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