I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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