True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
