she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
