I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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