we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize