video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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