I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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