It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
