I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
