It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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